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Plenty of Emotionally Unvailable Men: Why I'm done with online dating
Tuesday, September 4, 2012 || 7:33 PM


I'l reinforce my return to my blog with a requisite personal post. In a couple weeks I'll be 25 years old. I haven't yet begun to feel bittersweet about my aging. Probably by the time I'm 38 I'll think birthday celebrations are ridiculous and I'll ultimately begin to question the sturdiness of my looks -- after all I am a woman and if I don't have my looks I have nothing.

But moving right along, at the point I moved closer to my mid-twenties it became painfully aware to me that like that corny 'Friends' song my love life is 'DOA'.

This only became scary because of two realities. At some point I'd like to get married and at some point I'd like to have children.

As I approach 25 those things don't seem any closer surprisingly what seems closer is my desire and goal to attend medical school something I feel I actually do have control over and I've poured my heart and soul into for the past six years.

Anyway getting on with thins I wanted to outline my reasons for being done with online dating for the time being.

1) I want to meet guys offline: I've officially met in person about eight or nine guys from dating sites over the past 4 years either (POF, BlackPlanet (judge me not!), and OkCupid. One of those dates I can recall not being the traditional lunch or dinner. Some of those dates were actually fun

At this point, I feel confident and up to the challenge of actually meeting someone in a setting other than online. The success rate doesn't seem any better but I'd rather step into a setting where I have something in common with others in the room and possibly meet someone that way. It's wishful thinking but -- anything at this point is better than the internet. It's gotten so old to me.

2) The types of  young men: Another big reason I'm done with online dating is because of the men on the sites. There's a disturbing trend amongst my age group (20-30 yrs old)---I just call it lazy dating. A few texts shot here and there.

Then again, I figure I must be in the minds of some men seen as a fallback or backpocket girl. Not sure how I get grouped into that. Maybe I'm not as good looking as they hope once we meet in person or get a full body picture. Who knows...I'm still trying to understand the logic of only sending a text to find out if they're still waiting by the phone for you. I chalk this up to my answer for everything these days: the male ego.

I'm not here to stroke your ego or confirm that you have a hanger-on that will text you to make you feel adequate and validated in your manhood. My hope is that said guy loses my number.

3) Salvaging my ego - Believe it or not, women have egos too. I think it takes some bravery to date online. You're putting your pictures up and saying stuff about yourself for the world to see -- a luxury not everyone gets in real life. Most are drawn in by your looks when they meet you in real life. So imagine the disappointment when you log-on/log-off and see zero messages. Or if it is a message it becomes painfully clear that said guy isn't really into getting to know you and didn't hardly read your profile. It's just a blow to you as a person when you want to have a connection with someone beyond the superficial. It just seems very hard to break through that online (it's just as hard in the streets though)

I could say a lot more but really I'll say that it wasn't all a waste. I learned more about what I don't like then what I do. Dating opened up the doors of being open to dating and meeting new people but I'm on to a different path now. I' fully prepared for the reality that I'll probably be just as single next year.

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