The Awkward Scientist
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I'm a 20-somethin' young lady living in the satellite age
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I'm regularly on the whole pro-black soapbox but not too hard, I realize I'm not as well versed in African American studies as some of my peers. Everyday, I note this fact to myself. But I've always had an aversion to the N word despite the constant use in everyday black speak and hip-hop especially, you black children probably grow up knowing very well that the word is used to identify them. I don't use the word in whatever context I just usually don't like the word. But I wholly understand that the word has taken on a different meaning and is often used between groups other than blacks and the word shouldn't be hurtful in that respect, right?

A new female white rapper Kreayshawn's crew named V-Nasty uses the N word quite a lot. As much as I dislike the N-word, my actual belief is usually when white people say the N-word and black people get angry I'm thinking " Why are you mad?" We call each other the N word but suddenly when a white person says it "OMG!", Maybe if we created an environment when the word isn't so readily used by ourselves and Hispanics as well because I guess they get a pass, we wouldn't hear white people saying it. When white people sing along to songs with black men or women saying the N word and drop the N word I'm usually unfazed, though a little uncomfortable on their behalf knowing that years ago when this word escaped a white person's lips it was used to insult them. We're a long way from unbelievable prejudice and civil rights injustices of yesterday when we can freely throw the N word around and let it roll off of our tongues like a sweet song. 

I admit I've desensitized myself and when someone uses the N word around me I might blink but I don't get up in arms. When exchanged between black men and women for each other the term is said to be endearing. I guess we're supposed to feel special when hearing the word much like calling your significant other 'Boo' or 'Sweetie'. This is true for some but my mind won't allow me to associate myself or my black family with the word. I think my biggest gripe with the word is as much as its used by other colors and for other colors, it contains us and we as blacks in my opinion don't think much of each other to begin with and calling each other out of names just disintegrates what's left of any sort of feeling for each other.  Much like women calling each other Bs can sometimes be funny but not every woman laughs at it. It's a touchy subject, I know. I can go on and on about my thoughts on the matter but I just think it's interesting today how certain times have made our vocabulary acceptable.